Looking at the calendar of my life, I don’t think I ever thought anything of 2015. I would be 33.
Maybe it meant something because wasn’t Jesus 33 when he died? Or something… other than that, who cares. 33. You’re half old, half young, mostly in the middle. You’ve gone through your 20’s but you’re not quite “old” yet.
And so this year has passed quietly and I have not had many deep thoughts to post on here. I have not had the energy or the motivation to add photos, poems, thoughts… anything. Maybe I should blame Facebook and Instagram for that (since I post pictures on there). Maybe I’ve come to the realization that this blog is SOLELY for me and no one else, so if I don’t post anything for a year – so be it.
So why am I back?
Because this last year has not been a good year. This last year has been lonely and sad. 33 feels closer to death than ever. And 34 is around the corner. But rather than roll over and die, give into the inevitable and wait for time to eat away at my soul and my body, I need to try and find life again, to hold on until the final hour and be happy.
Happiness. I need to find happiness.
And I think it’s easy to “search” for happiness – you know – out there. In sports. In art. In music. In people. In adventures… and yes, there is happiness there. But to really enjoy all those things, you have to already be happy. It’s a state of being; and I think it starts internally.
So I need to write more. For me. Publicly. Because, yeah, I hope someone will read this and care and respond and interact and help guide my internal thoughts – because we all have different experiences and I don’t want to be lost in mine.
So that’s it. That’s all for now. Just a quick blah blah blah to get started and to actually have posted something in 2015.
23 days until the end of 2015.
2016 is when I find my voice again. Right? Right.