I have only 7 days left here in Southern California.
It’s strange. I have never lived anywhere except here. Sure, I have travelled extensively: Ecuador, Chile, Peru, Mexico, Kenya, Italy, and to many of the states in the US – but I have never LIVED anywhere but here. I went to college at Azusa Pacific University which is right here in SoCal. So… it’s quite strange to think that I will be living in a new state in just over 7 days.
I’m not sure how I feel about it all. Of course, I am excited. Of course, I am nervous. But I feel like there are all these subconscious feelings that seem to seep to the surface once in awhile, in dreams, in flash backs and memories, and in whispers. Feelings of nastalgia, as well as feelings of hurt and pain. I have so much invested in this place… so many memories of experiences from my childhood, teen years, and early adulthood and married life.
I am very ready to leave though. I am sick of the dry heat which seems to suck the life out of you. Sick of how people avoid it by staying in doors all day, or in their pools. I am sick of the same old streets. Some would be comforted by what is familar, I find it very boring. Nothing left to explore, nothing left to discover. I am so excited about new streets; about getting lost and finding new routes and paths home. I am excited about discovering new social scenes without the weight of past experiences and teenager social peer pressure weighing over certains venues, areas, and places. Not sure if that makes sense, but it’s hard to explore new places here because EVERYTHING is scented with some fragrance from the past – whether good or bad – everywhere seems to hold opinions of past friends.
It’s time. It is exhilerating. I can hardly describe the freedom I feel. A new life is ahead of us and Robin and I just smile as we walk along thinking about it.
I will have time to post more, time to reflect, time to share this experience with anyone who wants to know what it is like to start over. To jump out of the moving train that is our lives and begin to trailblaze a new path.
