I remember very vividly entering Oregon. When you enter on I-5, you’re already well into a hilly region with lots of trees that it is by no means a drastic change right at the border. There are plenty of hills and trees in the very Northernest parts of California, so when we entered Oregon, you could barely tell if not for the tiny sign that welcomed you. We had driven all day the day before and stayed the night in some town (Redding, I think) in NorCal. We arrived at the hotel very late, past midnight I think, and Amalea was not doing well. She barely slept that night, and so did I. I remember pacing back and forth in the hotel room, Amalea screaming in my ear at 3am, trying to find some joy in the journey North. It is so hard to appreciate anything when you’re tired – all you can think about is finally closing your eyes. So the next day when we crossed the border and entered our new homeland, I think I was too tired to get too emotionally stirred.
I had wanted to stop and take a picture by the Welcome to Oregon sign, but it came up fast around a bend and was to small to see from far away – we drove right past and I think I mentioned something to my buddy Danny about finally making it. Not too much longer and we should be arriving in Portland…
… at least, that was the plan.
Long story short, we got stuck in some grass fires near Salem and were at a stand still for at least 3 hours. We barely made it to our condo before the sun set, and we unpacked the U-Haul (with the help of our new neighbors!) by the light of the garage and front porch light.
I can remember driving up our street for the first time, turning into our condo complex, and arriving outside our new place. I can remember being nervous to enter, as we had never seen the place really, just found it online and applied. So I was relieved to walk through the condo and be pleasantly surpised at the newness of the place, the great layout, the concept of stairs, and an incredible view out the back windows of a small forrest.
As we drove up to the house, the navigation system we had just bought for the journey announced “You have arrived, at, Home.”
Home. Well, sort of. This was to be a temporary dwelling until we found “the one” – the house we would settle down in, whose walls we would plaster with paintings, family photos, and instruments. The house which Amalea and others* would grow up in, and spend most of their childhood. We knew this condo was not going to be that place, but it was great for the time being.
Wow, I can’t believe it’s almost been three months in this place.
Three months. So here is a list of good and bad in the past three months – things I love about Oregon and life here, and things that are kind of bugging me:
| The Good | The Bad |
|---|---|
|
|
I’m sure I could go on and on… but you get the idea. It’s not as good a list as I was hoping for… some days I would be driving around and I would have this thought of “Oh I love this about Oregon, I’ll have to remember to write it down and share it on the blog” and then I forget… cause they are little things, like just the way Oregon does stuff (like signs for the parks, differences in the way streets are here, and the overall design of parts of the city).
I’m really enjoying it here. Sometimes, honestly, I do have feelings of wanting to go back. I won’t lie – they aren’t very strong feelings, but I do think about it from time to time. What it would be like, how it would be so much easier… but I think that’s really just a lie in my head – it wouldn’t be easier. I know why I left and I’m holding onto the hope I have a better life up here. I believe that it will take some time to get used to it all and feel established, but I’m already witnessing God’s graciousness as he prepares a place for the Krill’s up here in Portland. I have freaky dreams almost nightly, everything from being lost to having thieves break in and rob us, I think that’s part of growing up and having a familiy and being in a new place and feeling unsettled a little by it all. It will pass. But I worry, I get scared, I get nervous, I start to doubt, and then I try and remember to enjoy it all… that it is already going by so quickly and if I blink I will miss it.
Everyday is a challenge here, to find energy and endurance to be a good Dad and be active with Amalea, AND to work on establishing myself here with new friends and a new job AND to be a great husband to Robin. Sure, I’m not perfect – I’m far from it… most days, I feel like I am pretty lazy… but it’s those days I am trying to eliminate by finding hope in something, anything, that will give me some motivation to get things done…
… and that’s where I’ll begin part 3 next time. Finding purpose again.
