A New Year

2009.

It’s so hard to wrap my mind around time.  It’s really useless to think about it… because the moment you start thinking about what time is, you realize it is constantly flowing past you and you’re wasting it.  You start contemplating time and you realize that the time you spent thinking about it, is gone.  It’s gone.

2008 is gone.

I mean, technically, it’s gone.

Sure certain things will live in on our memories, and so they seem to live on even after they have occured.

For me it was the two days in August when we packed everything we owned, loaded a truck, said our goodbyes, and crossed the state border into our new home: Oregon.  Those two days are still vivid in my mind… and 2008 will live forever as the year we moved.

But 2008 is gone.

And now… 2009.

I am already having glimpses of what will arrive on the wings of time in the next year… and I am worrying about the possibility of unknowingly wasting this year.  I am making decisions about how to best use my time, to savor these special years of being young and starting a family.  I am make resolutions about faith, obedience, faithfulness, love, etc. and hoping for a better year personally.

When you are 10, you dream of being 16.
When you are 17, you dream of being 18, and then 21.

Your dreams then shift to less age specific events, such as graduating college, getting married, getting a job, buying a home, having kids, etc.  You become so busy in getting through each day that it becomes almost overwhelming to have to think of the future, let alone dream about it.  Before you know it… it’s 2009.

I’m determined to slow things down before everyone else does.  I seem to always be two thousand steps ahead of people my age anyway… might as well acknowledge that I am going to (have already) become so busy that I don’t experience things.  I mean, REALLY, experience things… and then they are gone – the years that is – and you have regrets.  I don’t want regrets.  So I’m thinking about all this before it even gets out of hand… ok?

Why am I writing this?  I suppose as a confession / warning to everyone – don’t become complacent and busy.  Don’t become so bitter and hopeless that you miss the small surprises in disguise.

My daughter was sitting on Robin’s lap this evening trying to get bites of Robin’s cereal she was eating, and she accidently dipped her elbow in the bowl of milk.  She had a big wet spot on her elbow.  I pulled her to me and was lightly reprimanding her – half kidding really, as it was pretty funny – and when I gave her this half sad, half smile look – she cocked her head to the side, ever so slightly, and gave me this melting little grin. As if to say, “Oh daddy… I’m sorry”.  I’m a sucker and, of course, I melted.  I’ve never felt that sort of innocent joy.  I love her so much.

Through all the crying, tears, diapers, sleepless nights, biting, melt downs, and downright kicking and screaming – I will remember these precious moments this year.