Tonight I had my first service opportunity in Portland. Evergreen, the church we attend here in P-town, was volunteering at the Portland Rescue Mission in downtown. So after I got off work I walked over to the mission and made my way through those outside who were in line for dinner.
It was a strange experience. Not bad – I’m used to being around the poor. It’s not shocking to me. Well, it’s shocking, but not like most people think where they feel uncomfortable or threatened or something. It was strange because for so long that was part of my job – serving. And now, here I was and I felt like an outsider.
I know that doesn’t make any sense… but it’s what i was feeling. As some of the more “local” evergreeners would come and tell me what to do and how things normally went, I thought, this is weird. But it was kind of nice just being there… not being in charge of anything, just being able to help where I could and stand back and watch. I’m totally a watcher. And I couldn’t help but ponder these people’s situations. Their lives and how they ended up like this. So here are my observations:
1. They were ALL men. Ok, so I think I saw three women, out of at least a couple hundred. What this means I’m not really sure… there is something to say that the MAJORITY of homeless there tonight, were men.
2. Most of them were mentally not all there. Sure there were some who seemed fairly together and just are probably out of work, or have some hard stuff they are dealing with – but a majority of them seemed to be very flighty, confrontational, and a little coocoo.
3. It’s freakin’ cold in Portland… and to be homeless, f***. Seriously this is what I don’t understand and what makes me the most sad about these people’s prediciment. It’s like 40 maybe even 30 degrees out… and I’m sitting for a train for five minutes, with gloves and a nice jacket, and I’m freezing my ass off, and I’m thinking about the couple hundred people who – sure – had a nice hot meal, and then hit the frozen street. Someone should buy all of them one way tickets to Santa Monica, CA.
4. Church people stand out like a sore thumb. Always trying to help, looking for ways to serve, always looking just a little uncomfortable. Especially the college aged church kids… who feel compelled to “serve the poor” but the poor actually kind of freak them out a little bit. I have to admit, I didn’t see that AS much here in Portland with Evergreen… but aint it the truth.
5. What is hope? Or maybe the better question is – what should I be hoping in? For most of these folks, they will be filing through this dinner line until the day they die. They need this mission to sustain them until it’s their time to go. They are so far gone from reality and from society that it’s not hard to say that these people will never assimilate back into society. They’ve chosen this lifestyle, it fits them, their ok with it, and they are not looking to get off the streets. Some want to, but let’s be honest – they can’t. Be it mental or just a complete lack of motivation – they are stuck for good. So what do I hope for? There is no Jesus to come and touch the sick or crippled and bring them back into the inner circle of the healthy. Not to say God isn’t looking after these folks… or that we can’t be Jesus to these folks and be there to love them, feed them, clean up after them… but come on – what can we do for them? In the end, I think of Jesus’ words: The poor will always be among you. It’s so flippant. It’s like… a facts a fact. And this is the way it is. Not to say ignore it, or sweep it under the rug… but don’t become so starry eyed in “serving” that you lose sight of the fact that this is how it will always be… until God’s Kingdom is here on earth – this is how it is going to be. And there will always need to be people who give up a little of their freedom to sustain the poor… the lost… those who took a few wrong turns, or maybe they really fucked up… but they really need some help. And they may not be grateful in the least… but if you’re going to be like Jesus – you feed the complainers and then watch them leave – and when they come back and ask you to heal them, you grab their shoulders, look them in the eye, and say “Your faith has healed you”. Hmm….
