For John

In the darkness your body lay motionless
the subtle blinking of lights illuminates your fragile frame
the blanket slowly rises and falls
the tubes drip, the machines beep
and your soul lies silent in unfortunate surrender

If you dream, you dream of life
For it is always when we have not
That we want most intensely to have
How badly you must want the chains of these scars
To fall away and the breeze that is freedom
To run over your skin as you pass the time
with those you love
under trees
in the sun
below the stars
moving without thinking
breathing without clenching
living without fearing
consuming the minutes like chocolate
devouring time away from pain
tasting the sweetness of love

I wish this for you.
To be done with this.
To move on.
To live again.

How hard it will be to face death
Even if we’re old
The succulent scent of those we love
still fresh in our nostrils
How can we let go of good times
Who wants to leave?  really leave.

I hope you get to see your daughter fall in love
I hope you get to see your dreams become reality
I hope you get well
I hope you get to be free again (I know you will then, but my hope is for this life)

Your bed is breathing
Moving up and down
To adjust for a long stay
It wants to keep you here
But I know you will not let it

The drugs want you to not feel
And although it is best you do not feel right now
It is probably what you want more than anything
To feel the ground come sharply under your feet after jumping
To feel the stretch of muscles as you push them to their limits
To feel water like a cocoon as you swim through lakes and seas
To feel your daughters weight on your shoulders as you soar down the hall of your home
To feel the pain of a prick, and not have it be over powered by much, much worse pain
I hope you feel the good pains of life soon