Something is different now
It’s a subtle feeling, like a second chance
something’s changed, but you don’t know what or how

That beautiful branch of that old oak tree
It was there yesterday, and everyday before
But I never saw it, and it never saw me

My eyes full of mist, my heart full of wonder
I stop and stare at this foreign new world
There is hope in the clouds, and power in thunder

There is wisdom in trees, and comfort in grass
And there in the leaves, life from the past

The creator is smiling
I’m learning that too
I’d forgotten the job, of caring for you

You being you, everyone, everything
From the lost lonely souls
To the blue birds who sing

But my heart is free now, and my eyes again see
and Today is unlike any before
Life is now what I make it to be

Watching cool kids dance
We stand at a distance dreaming
Listening to singers sing
Our hearts nearly bursting
But our legs are lame, and our lips are locked

Under glass that magnifies
We examine others’ lives
We imagine that they’re perfect
But it’s all filthy lies

When the foggy glass is clear
And it’s plain what we fear
We will dance in the darkness
When no one else is near
We will sing lonely songs
Not caring who sings along
Knowing beneath desire
Burns unquenchable fire
To be the one who is watched
And the one who is heard
But the eyes can not free us
And the ears can not heal us
We must do what we love
For the love of the thing
We must dance ’cause we must
We must sing just to sing!

A COLD DAY IN DECEMBER, 2009

A Cold Day In December, 2009 | Online recorder

Graffiti art
an old brick wall
The cold, the clouds
The smell of fall
Shadows dance
Beneath cream lights
A train is heard
the crows take flight
Crazy words
A broken soul
Sleeping bags
An old tin bowl
Suits like pillars
Waiting, Worrying
Crossing now
Hopeless Hurrying
Metal and glass
Like giants stand
Rise from ash
and blossom bands
Notes are floating
The wind is swirling
Between the beats
Children twirling
The prophetic pulse
The cities heart
Beats on all night
In moonlit dark
The river rushing
To the sea
This place is home
Home to me

If you dream, you dream of life
For it is always when we have not
That we want most intensely to have
How badly you must want the chains of these scars
To fall away and the breeze that is freedom
To run over your skin as you pass the time
with those you love
under trees
in the sun
below the stars
moving without thinking
breathing without clenching
living without fearing
consuming the minutes like chocolate
devouring time away from pain
tasting the sweetness of love

I wish this for you.
To be done with this.
To move on.
To live again.

How hard it will be to face death
Even if we’re old
The succulent scent of those we love
still fresh in our nostrils
How can we let go of good times
Who wants to leave?  really leave.

I hope you get to see your daughter fall in love
I hope you get to see your dreams become reality
I hope you get well
I hope you get to be free again (I know you will then, but my hope is for this life)

Your bed is breathing
Moving up and down
To adjust for a long stay
It wants to keep you here
But I know you will not let it

The drugs want you to not feel
And although it is best you do not feel right now
It is probably what you want more than anything
To feel the ground come sharply under your feet after jumping
To feel the stretch of muscles as you push them to their limits
To feel water like a cocoon as you swim through lakes and seas
To feel your daughters weight on your shoulders as you soar down the hall of your home
To feel the pain of a prick, and not have it be over powered by much, much worse pain
I hope you feel the good pains of life soon

Who are we, anyway?
Millions of tiny cells
A complex, biological
masterpiece
Fluids and bone,
Gooey organs and a mushy brain
Neurons firing
inaudible orchestras
thoughts
swirling in the nothing of our minds
souls,
it’s no wonder we ask
Who are we?

What a gift it is to wonder
to peel away the layers
of who we are
how we are
why we are
To imagine and discover
the hidden world
the natural law
the meta-blue-prints
the universal langauge
science
math
beauty
you.

Thank you for not being easy
or for making us too smart
so we know all the answers
Thank you for letting us doubt
living in the darkness
to see the sparks of life
to witness the miracle
of existence

This invisible path
what is pulling me round
gravity?

No. I think it is love.

It’s really not a yell, you see
Although I really am angry
But anger has a dual source
Either a selfish annoyance: an impatience
Or an overflow of frustration: a breaking

This anger is of the latter

I think my anger comes like a dam overflowing
The volume is like flood waters rising
My mouth opens, like levies breaking
Releasing the storm behind it’s walls
Emptying the bellows
Where the fire has been kindling
And the inferno erupts
Like dragon’s breath

Of coures this is all quite exagerated
Although I type “yell” – it’s really quite diminished
Because before I have a chance to scream
My “yelling” is quite finished

Neither you nor I know how to fight
And for this I am quite glad
Because I’ve heard of some, unlucky few
Whose situations are quite bad

Frustration is real and honest
Those who don’t fight, don’t feel
But I’d rather be here
In this house with you
Because the love we have is real

And the greyest of days
Can’t take away
Our story, our future, our hopes and our dreams
I’m in this with you, forever it seems

And I love you.
But I hate this, I know you do too.

So I’m sorry.

And as the sun I don’t see sets
I guess I’m supposed to feel tired
But after a day of chasing Ami around
Strangely, I’m feeling wired

When silence fills the house is when
I begin to wind my mind
To conquer all things digital
On the web I skillfully climb

And stuck somewhere in cyberspace
Moving invisible pixels around
I lose the ability to stop my brain
There’s no hope of slowing down

When I finally force my bleary eyes
To move from screen to bed
The image of the lighted screen
Still rummages around in my head

And sleep is sleeping somewhere
I can’t find it to wake it up
So breathlessly my thoughts collide
And my eye lids, open, are stuck

Another night I crawl out of bed
As Robin sleeps serene
Down the stairs, make some tea
And stare at the lighted screen

But now, much later than it should be
I’m ready to try again
So back up the stairs into darkness
Hopefully sleep, will find me and win

—–
PS – it’s hard enough getting to sleep… I didn’t mention that most times, right when I am able to get to sleep, around midnight, the now silent, dark house wakes Amalea up… I have no hope ^_^

Please leave me feedback.

[ lyrics ]

How did we become like this

How’d the world lose it’s light

What is causing this darkness

when will we regain our sight?

Have we not learned from the past

Have we not learned from these scars

are we this blind, can we not see

killing solves nothing, killing solves nothing

Somewhere somebody lied to us

Told us that we could control

Gave us a taste of power

And the poison seeped into our souls

now we just live in fear, now we’re dead inside

can we find peace to live  

can we let go of pride?

ARE WE THIS BLIND, CAN WE NOT SEE

KILLING SOLVES NOTHING, KILLING SOVLES NOTHING

LORD GIVE US SIGHT, GOD HELP US SEE

LOVE IS THE ANSWER, LOVE IS THE ANSWER

Thirteen years of torture
I think they call it kindergarten
so you don’t think you’re ending in grade 13
But they can’t fool me anymore
Tomorrow they hand me proof of my intellect
A piece of paper mass produced and a signature copied thousands of times
But the achievement of completion is more than just diplomacy

Tomorrow I walk a thin line between childhood and autonomy
The clock strikes midnight and a new day dawns on the rest of my life
This hour has come so suddenly
It feels curiously cold, like a draft from an open window
Perhaps it is the world outside beckoning me to sneak away

Will I follow the draft into the dark
Will I begin to trust myself
Will I see the light
Will I find love
Will I survive?

Questions keep bubbling up
Like gas in my stomach
I belch them out silently in my head
Trying to find peace before this big day
Trying to rest in the unknown
But how can you find rest in questions
They feel like an empty pit
And I long for some substance to fill this void

But it is thrilling

* – I am not graduating tomorrow, but I know many who are.