(The pictures in this post, most of the time, have little to nothing to do with what is being said around them… they are here to fill the gaps and to give you a glimpse into our life in Oregon… enjoy!)

The photo to the left was the first taken on Oregon soil.  We were, indeed, all smiles.  Leaving California was hard because of all of our great friends, and all of the youth group kids we were leaving behind from the church I worked at.  But Oregon was a breath of fresh air, literally.

Robin had nailed down a teaching job at a Jr. High and we were able to find a condo semi-near the city and semi-near her work.  Our dear friends, Danny and Andy Richards, helped us with the move.  Danny is a fireman (and ex-mover) who packs a U-Haul like it’s nobody’s business, and we are eternally indebted to him for all that he did in getting us here.  The man’s a beast… seriously.  He taught me a lot about being prepared on long trips, packing, and how duct tape can pretty much fix anything (although sometimes you need plastic ties).  Anyway, we finally made to Oregon with the help of Maggie (our new navigational system that would be invaluable during the first months here… Portland’s a tough place to navigate at first!) and after a few wrong turns in some sketchy neighborhoods, we were turning into our little mountainside (more like hillside) community of condos: Red-Tail Canyon… err, something like that.  It was… ok.  We were just so happy to be in Oregon and to begin exploring Portland!  The Condo was nice, it seemed peaceful, and the best part was – there was a forest behind it!  Literally, out our back door… it felt SO different from California, and that felt SO good.

Looking back on those first few months in Oregon, it feels almost surreal.  It wasn’t long until Fall set in and the leaves changed colors and began to fall and blanket the parks and streets with a thick layer of magical orange, yellow, and reds.  I will always have a thick memory in my head of that first Fall in Oregon.  So many life altering things happened.

Finding God, Again

The first and probably most substantial, was that we found a church to go to.  When we first got up here, we (well, I should say, I) were in no hurry to go to Church.  I have to admit, it was nice to actually just sit around on Sunday morning with family and rest.  I needed that.  But after about three or four weeks, it was time to find a church community.  We tried Imago Dei first because, well, why not.  Donald Miller and his writings were a huge factor in us coming up here (for me at least) and he went to Imago Dei, so might as well try it out right?  Actually, Robin went alone one week and said it was ok, not great, but ok – so I came with the following week and we tried it together.

I think we left early.

(top right clockwise: Amalea at the park, Amalea with Ron’s sunglasses in Bend, Daddy and Ami on the bike, Happy Valley Park)

I don’t know… it wasn’t bad – but it just felt too similar.  You know.  You walk in, everyone is sitting in theater seating facing a big stage up front where a super hip band was playing old hymns in a super hip way and mixing in some modern worship songs… then a series of people make their way to the stage, get the mic, and share their shpeel about what the church is all about, how much they are doing in the community, upcoming events, yada yada. As it happens, I think we showed up on a Sunday where the regular Pastor wasn’t even speaking… and after about 40 minutes I was ready to leave.  Not to mention we got called into the kids room because Amalea pooped majorly and had a rash.  I think that was God telling us, get the hell out. Now.  So we did. We went home.

I was a little disappointed.  As far as I knew, that was suppose to be the “Emergent” church in Portland… and I couldn’t imagine there were any more progressive churches out there.  I mean, Oregon, it’s 99% conservative / evangelical / white churches… and this was my 1% and it felt, well, stale.  I was really bummed.  Part of the reason to come to Oregon was to hopefully find a church community who were thinking outside of the box and where spiritual formation and exploration were encouraged, not looked down on.

So we went home and opened up our “Moving to Portland” book, thumbed to the “Emergent Churches” section, and looked down the list of three… yep, three… churches.  Imago Dei.  Check.  Evergreen?  Let’s check the website.  Hmm…. promising.  They meet in a pub?  For sure.  And so we decided to check it out.

(top right clockwise: Amalea and her pumpkin, Robin and Ami at the patch, Oregon Skies x2)

Evergreen Community

The minute we walked into The Lucky Lab Pub (a.k.a Evergreen Community – on Sundays) I knew we were suppose to be there.  It just felt right.  And I don’t mean that a big sun beam shown down on us when we walked in, or I got all tingly and warm, or even that I heard God’s Spirit telling me this was it… no, not really.  I mean, we walked in, we walked three or four steps, assessed the situation, and immediately two people were standing there greeting us, welcoming us, explaining Evergreen to us.  And it wasn’t… you know, “church greeters”.  Here was this young kid, Clay, and this middle age man, Chip, shaking our hands and asking us about who we were.  It didn’t feel fake.  It didn’t feel forced.  It felt right… it felt like these were people who really cared about this couple and their kid who probably look totally uncomfortable and scared.  It was brilliant.  And we fit right in.

(Left to Right: Amalea watching me “do my best” on my mom’s accordion, Ami and me on the Scooter)

It wasn’t long until we attended our first community dinner, where everyone in the community (go to their website if you want to learn more about Evergreen… if you don’t already go there ^_~) brings some food and just hangs out.  In October, we went to the pumpkin patch with the church… and we slowly began to make friends. I could go on and on about Evergreen… but that’s another story for another day (or at least, further down this post).

To work, or, to WORK

I thought I worked pretty hard when I was a youth pastor.  The days were pretty long and it could get exhausting at times.  But NOTHING could prepare me, and NOTHING compares, to being a full-time parent.  When we first got to Oregon, I did not have a job.  And so I stayed home with Amalea and took care of her, the best I could.  I don’t regret it, it was what I needed.  Time with my first daughter.  Time to explore Portland.  Time to enjoy life again.  But it was very hard.  Some of you will know what I mean (I know you do, Robin) when I say that one of the hardest things to do in life, is stop working when you are so used to having a job.  I got my first job when I was 18 – and pretty much worked up until last year when we moved up here.  To all of the sudden stop working, it’s a weird feeling.  Sure, being a parent is a job, and a full-time no rest EVER job… but it’s different.  It’s exhausting.  It’s ungratifying (or at least it’s a different type of gratification).  And it forces you, to think and think and think and think and think.  Because the minutes drag on… and you sing Itsy-Bitsy ten thousand times, and your constantly entertaining – but it feels like you’re alone, and it feels like all you can do is think, and think, and think.  And in the end, you overthink things, you become depressed and lonely, or at least you think you are because you’ve thought about it so much.  In this case, I began to seriously miss everyone from California, and second guess the move up here.  This was looking harder than I thought – and I needed to figure out what I was going to do… for a career!

When we first got up here, I interviewed for a job at an after-school program at this Catholic school in NW Portland.  I pretty much got the job, but backed out at the last minute.  I don’t know… I just had a BAD feeling about it.  It barely paid anything, was going to be SUPER stressful, a lot of work, and I would be away from my family more than I wanted to be.  Not to mention it sort of conflicted with Robin’s school schedule, and we hadn’t thought about day-care.

(Left to Right: Ami and me at the Zoo in the fall, Winter Snow Storm!)

Little did we know at the time, but just down the street from our Condo was a place called Portland Wiz Kids.  I kept driving by it, and finally I decided I would check out their website.  Actually, I think it was that Robin had heard they were hiring after-school teachers to teach computer classes.  I was all about that.  So I checked it out.  Turns out they had a day-care, right there at the facility down the street from our place, and I could leave Amalea there while I taught these classes.  It wasn’t much, but the pay was decent and it seemed like fun.  So I did it.

I taught computer programming to Jr. High kids in Lake Oswego.  It was… well, it was fun.  Remember what I said about always remembering that first fall in Oregon – well teaching these classes was a big part of that.  I’d drop Amalea off around 1 in the afternoon, and drive the 45 min – 1 hour to Lake Oswego, through the changing leaves of autumn, catching glimpses of Mt. Hood in all it’s glory along the way, occasionally (ok, often) wading my way through the rain, dragging a carton of laptops to teach kids programming using animation software.  It was great.  And Amalea LOVED day-care.  She got to play with babies and the adults while I was working, and then Robin would come and pick her up.  We did this all Fall and part of Winter.  But in January, after a crazy December of taking on additional classes – including a Lego Robotics class that was the equivalent of trying to create peace in the middle east – anyway, in January I started a new job: web design.

And now… my new life.

Synotac web design.  I think they were third or fourth in the google results for “Portland Web Design”.  I clicked a bunch of them to see what their sites looked like.  I had been tinkering with web design since High School, and I figured it was something I liked doing, thought I did well, and figured it was a worth a try.  Synotac’s site looked pretty good… so I contacted them, sent them my portfolio link, and waited.  Not too long after that, I got a reply from the President, Cameron Madill.  He said that one of their employees checked out my site and thought it looked really good, and we should chat.  He said, although they were not hiring, they might have some contract work in the near future, and it would be good to see if I was a good fit for that.

(Left to Right: Ami at Canon Beach, Ami feeding the ducks)

I met Cameron at Stumptown Coffee (my first time going to coffee downtown).  He came across as an intelligent entrepreneur who knew what he was talking about and liked my style.  He also liked Soccer… a big plus.  Anyway, we met and talked web stuff, and then he took my up to the office and introduced me to the staff.  I still remember walking into our downtown office loft and marveling that people worked at such a cool place.  I also remember feeling really awkward – I’ve never had a REAL web design job before, let alone a REAL job in general!  But I put on my best business face and played the part.  It was about a month later that Cameron called and said they had some work for me… so I went in, and did my best.

That was January of this year… by about March, I got a raise.  By about May they brought me on part time – 28 hours a week.  By June, I was full-time.  Now I am a vital organ in the beating heart that is Synotac Web Design… working 40+ hours a week, and diving head first into the web world.

Did I mention I work FULL-FREAKING-TIME now?  Yes, it’s not my first full-time job. Yes, I was a Youth Pastor.  But I can’t begin to explain to you the differences… being a Youth Pastor is like being a freelancer… a contract worker.  You basically make your own hours (except for when you have services of course, or trips)… you work when it’s convenient, and if something comes up – especially family stuff – it’s expected you go and be present.  Take care of yourself and your family FIRST, then the job.  Not in the big world my friend – not in the big f’ed up world.

Well – hold on. To be fair, Synotac is not QUITE a FULL-FREAKING-TIME job like some people have.  The Madills’ (the family who started Synotac, Cameron, the president, Bill, Cameron’s dad, the co-owner, and Cat, Cameron’s sister, Bill’s daughter, fellow programmer) are SUPER awesome and chill, and they run their company with a similar mentality as the church – if you, the employee, are not doing well – the company is not doing well.  So take care of yourself and your family.  And they have been super great about being flexible with me, especially when Maya was born about a month ago and since then (because I’ve been super tired and things have come up).

(Left to Right: Ami and me in the snow, Woodstock Park)

So, I’m not complaining in the least… I’m just trying to emphasize that things are… well, normal.  I am the husband and I work this full-time job where I am gone a good chunk of the day.  Robin is the stay-at-home mom who is slowly going crazy because she has a two-year-old and a new baby to watch after, and a husband that is barely present (that’s not fair to myself… I am VERY present, when I am here…).  It’s that traditional family model – and we were never the traditional family model… and it’s hard.

Life, right now, for the past year, has been… hard.  SUPER hard.  Harder than it ever has been.  Having a kid is hard enough.  Having a kid, quitting both your jobs, moving to a brand new place where you know NO ONE, starting new jobs, making new friends, and then having ANOTHER kid… that’s just crazy-talk.  But we’re doing it.  We made the choice to come up here… in our heads, we burnt the ships and we are not going back (I say in our heads, because we actually still own our house in California and we COULD move back if we wanted to).

So has it been worth it.  Is it worth it?  Will we stay?

Yes. and Yes.

(It’s official)

There are moments, when I remember the freedom and the gratification of my old life… that I want to go back.  There are dark clouds and sleepless nights full of tears.  There are fights and misunderstandings.  There is a tired I have never known before now.  There are new responsibilities and a career/life I never thought I’d fall into… There is a loop of pictures on our computer from Youth Trips that brings tears to my eyes, that makes me laugh, that makes me believe SO strongly in love and God and why I got into Youth Ministry…

… and yet, we belong here.

(Left to Right: Ami and me – stuck in the van after running out of gas on the way to day-care, Erin McGee and Ami at Sauve Island Farm)

We belong here.

Surrounded by kids who loved us – we felt alone in California.  Surrounded by a church who supported us, I felt out of place.

When something isn’t right, and you feel it, you have to fix it.

I had to get away.  I had to leave those streets and that life-style.  Our kids need to be raised in the trees… in the rivers and mountains of Oregon.  Robin and I need a community of people our age who are having kids and struggeling through similar things.  I need to experience the world, as it really is, on the streets – so to speak – to taste the pain of waking up early every morning and marching off to work to pay the bills, to feed my family, to give life to my kids.  I am beginning, just beginning, to understand what it means to be a father… to be a husband… to be a man who FOLLOWS God into the dark holding tight to HOPE and LOVE and that is all.  Robin and I need to struggle through our shit, and find each other again.  We need to let go of comfort and find that in the struggle, in the tension, and in the sacrifice, there is a substance that is like NOTHING else on this green planet… there is LIFE like no reality show can depict… there is LOVE so deep and rich and pure that it can not be explained or touched or even felt, it just IS.  And all of this comes… here, in this new strange foreign place.  Oregon, it is our home now.  And this is our life now.

(Amalea on her first big-girl camping trip!  And our first camping trip, in general, in Oregon!)

It will not always be this way – me working full time doing web design, Robin staying at home.  She will go back to teach, and I may get into teaching someday as well… but for now, we are raising our babies, we are living in community, we are sharing the well, we are growing in who we are and in our marriage, we are learning how to be better friends, lovers, and children of God and children of this world.

We have so far to go… and yet, for the first time in a long time, I feel like we are where we are suppose to be, and that is spectacular.

(Maya Louise Krill – Green is DEFINITELY her color, just like her daddy!)

The first song is actually pretty funny.  It’s one of my own songs, from a long long time ago, that I actually totally forget about until I was listening to my ipod and it came on random all of the sudden.  Apparently I had burned it onto a cd I had made of another band, I had put a bunch of my songs on the end of this cd and forgot about them.  I’ve included it here for you to listen to (at my expense) – so please don’t laugh of judge my current song writing abilities by this work ^_^

I just think it’s funny that young Jim is speaking to old Jim about faith.  Interesting.

The second is a brand new song from Lovelite, my friend Matt Castle’s worship band.  They just came out with a new album (or I should say, are coming out with a new album soon) and the first track off that album is the first religious song in a LONG time that I’ve really related to and has give me chills (a great song will do that).  Here it is to listen to, but I encourage you to head over to their (newly designed) website, and buy the cd when it comes out.  I’m sure you will be able to find it on iTunes soon.

For those who don’t already know, I started a web design company with a few local friends recently, and we are slowly building our clientele. The company is called Mosey Creative Studio, and we specialize in creating beautiful, functional, interactive web sites for small to medium size businesses.

You can check out our website, which isn’t done yet, here: www.moseycreations.com

Mosey consists of myself, Andy Richards, and Greg Dora. Andy will do a lot of the artwork and design, as well as meeting with clients and getting us jobs. Greg is in charge of multimedia and will building interactive / media rich flash animations and applications, as well as other media options (photography, music, video, etc). I do all the back-end development stuff (XHTML/CSS, PHP, MYSQL, etc) – basically all the nerdy stuff to make the website work. I also contribute to the designs and artwork.

We just recently finished our first job which was for Andy’s in-laws, the Richards, for their Horse Transportation business. If you want to see it and see what their business is about, visit www.horses2go.net

If you know anyone who needs a website, send them our way. Until our website is completed, they can just send Andy an email detailing the job, here.